Biking Adventures, Part Duex

For those of you in the know (or just scroll down a bit), I've been biking to work for the past 2-3 weeks. It's been quite an adventure to say the least. And to answer the burning question "am i saving money", no. i'm not saving money. That piece of steel and carbon machinery is only burning a deeper hole in my pocket. I'm getting flak from my parents cuz it was supposed to SAVE me money. Turns out, there's like a million gadgets you can put on your bike. Anything from mirros, lights (and you won't believe what kind of lights they've come up with), water-bottle-do-hickies, computers (they make some that cost more than dell laptops!!), the uber-sexy spandex pants, special biking t-shirts, bike specific socks(?!??!?!?!), stereo systems... yes, stereo systems, racks, special bike packs, snazzy neon color vests, and the list goes on and on. And oddly enough, it's really easy to justifiy buying a lot of these things. How do i do you ask? Simple. Will it help me live another 5-10 secs longer? Absolutely. It'll give me 5-10 second cushion for some crazed driver yelling into his/her cellphone (can you hear me now?!?! NOW?!?!?! HELLO?!?!?!? HEELLLLLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!?!?!?) *for some reason, people tend yell into their phones thinking it'll make the reception better* who is furiously drink their venti mocha latte with soy milk with a dash of cinnamon and a touch of foam on top, to avoid driving into me, the poor soul whose wearing the most obnoxious colored thing I could find in my closet. Granted, it's not as bad as wearing stripes and plaid all at the same time (i can hear all you fashionistas out there cringing), but if it means you can't stand to look at my get-up, that means at the very least you're going to see me pedaling for my life...

Which leads me to another thing. I figured riding my bike to work would be relaxing. Give me some time before and after work to help me relax, gather my thoughts, do some thinking, reflect on the past week/day/events, spend some time talking with God or something like that. After all, after spending about 25 mins stuck behind incompetent drivers who can't figure out traffic is moving cuz they're too busy putting on make-up or trying to yell their cellphones into submission trying to go only about 6 and half miles, getting to the office with frazzled nerves isn't exactly the way I'd like to start my day. But driving home from church on sunday, I came to a stark realization. I don't think when i ride my bike. My mind stops working. It's like sand and dirt and glue has been poured into the gears in my head and all non-essential functions shutdown. Trying to replicated the great moments of clarity that arise when sitting on the porcelain throne just isn't happening. No eureka! moments. No divine inspirations. It's like i'm de-evolving as soon as my feet start moving and my butt hits that uncomfortable seat. The only thing i can remember of my bike rides tend to be along the lines of "pedal faster" and "cars too close" and something about breathing down car exhaust fumes. It's always one of those 3 thoughts, but not 2 or all 3. Just one. Normally it's "pedal faster" because i had just had one of those "cars too close" thoughts. Walking through the door at the office is probably the best part of my day, cuz it means I have made it to my destination alive and in one piece, and have about 8-9 hrs to clean and dry my soiled pants before i do it again going home.

I have therefore come to this great hypothesis about drivers and bikes. I might be going out on a limb here, but hear me out:

Drivers, when confronted with a foreign moving object, tend to drive closer to it.

Kind of bold statement, but let me explain. How many times have we seen accidents on the highways (880 comes to mind) and seen more accidents as a result of the accident that just happened? You might claim rubberneckers caused the follow-up accidents. But why? Why you ask? Because all of a sudden, you're no longer focusing on the car in front, but at the poor soul whose car ran out of gas on the side, or the person who cheated in the carpool lane, or whatever, and the car in front of you that you should be focusing on, now becomes a 'foreign moving object' (FMO). And inevitably, you either hopefully catch yourself and slam the brakes before your car becomes one with the FMO, or the laws of nature take over and your car tries to make other little cars with the FMO. Same thing goes with people on bikes. We become FMO. Only on a whole different level. For one, we're missing 2 wheels. Not only that, we're not running on gas of the petroleum type (i refuse to comment on this). And because of the curious nature of the FMO on the side of the road, the driver naturally will veer in that general direction. Simple physics. But as the operator of the FMO, one would hedge his bets that the laws of physics are bendable and easily manipulated. But alas, there are no math errors here. No missing sign or parenthesis. Just the sheer fact that these 'cars' are trying to shave my legs and wipe the bugs off their side mirrors on my obnoxiously colored shirt. I mean, i'm all for shaving legs to save time, to cut wind resistance, showcase my legs, or whatever. Swimmers shave their legs. I'm pretty sure Lance Armstrong does it as well. But i'm no lance armstrong. And last i checked, bikes don't work so well in the pool. And i'm probably not going to impress anybody with my silky, shiny legs at work. But that's beside the point. I like my legs the way they are, hair and all. And i would rather like to have a shirt that devoid of bugs on my backside. But obviously the laws of nature tends to win out here. Everyday, my little hypothesis is proven again about 4-5 times every time i get on the bike. I think i should publish my findings. Maybe people will stop talking about UFO's and start discussing FMO's. But that could backfire like HMO's... the similarities are striking.

What's my point? Nothing. But the fact that you wasted about 4 minutes of your precious time reading my rant makes me feel better. After all, you probably drove to work today anyways.