I need to learn how to be more humble...

I've been slammed, thrown around, fed to the lions, and then some, and i'm still as stubborn and ignorant as when i started out. For some stupid reason, i can't let go of the fact that this is God's life, not mine, and that i need to rely on him to get anything done. For all this head knowledge, i'm not making any progress. It's kinda like my job situation. I think the most frustrating part is seeing everyone else who was down and out all of a sudden having their lives turn up, getting jobs, finding a significant other, or both. Don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining about the signficant other bit, but the job part is really eating away at me. I think it's times like these that really define what you're really made of. I mean, just looking around at people with jobs, they have no idea how bad it really is. I was talking with janet today, and she even admits that she's really sheltered, having no sense of how bad this economy really is. Part of it is that people around her have found jobs with relative ease. For that much, i'm really happy for them. I'm really glad people are finding jobs; seeing their lives turn for the better makes me happy, just to see that they're getting out of the slump that we're all in. But at the same time, i can't help but turn to God and scream at Him yelling "when is it my turn??!?!" And then i wisen up and realize it'll only happen when: a) i humble myself, b) truly believe it's up to Him, not me, and c) live out part b). Sad to say, i'm lacking in all three right now. No, this isn't a "pity-me" blog, so if you're feeling sorry for me, don't. A big portion of this slump is totally out of my control anyways. I just happened to pick a really a tremendously awesome year to graduate into an industry that just can't seem to finish trimming the fat. And really, I do have so much to be thankful for, i really can't complain about these little petty things, like i don't have a job or whatevers. I'm living at home. That in-and-of-itself is enough to make up for whatever hardship i'm going through. I'm so incredibly lucky to have parents who are willing to open up arms and take me in again. I've heard of so many stories of people graduating, and their parents saying "no way, not in my house, we're done with you." They feed me, provide a roof over my head, heck, they even turn on the heater. Amazing huh? Koreans, and we actually use our central heating. I'm in good health. I probably haven't been this healthy since elementary school. So the fact that i don't have health insurance really doesn't make any difference. My personal life is going good. All my relationships are going well, girlfriend, old roomies, hs friends, church people, even my sister (haha, just messing with you, pooh-brain). =)
so anyways, getting back to what i was talking about, it amazes me how much i gripe about what's not well in my life, when i should be celebrating how much IS going well. Where am i going with this? I have no idea anymore... I just need to humble myself.

On a whole different note.... man, i'm getting old. I had to take of all the little kids that came by tonight for halloween. That's right, i had to sit there with the bowl of candy, and hand out the little goodies to all those rascals that came by, not to mention wrangling with dog who just sat there barking and trying to "attack" the trick-or-treaters... what a scardy cat, wouldn't even let the kids pet her. Anyways, it's just amazing how much time flies. I remember going around and doing trying to get as much candy as i could possible lug around in that poor-beat-up pillow case. If some poor soul made the mistake of leaving a bowl of candy out on the porch so they didn't have to open the door, me and friends would just raid the bowl and leave like 1 or 2 pieces. Man, we were such jerks. But when you're little, it's all about how heavy your sack is compared to your buddy. Man, i'm getting old....