"Today is the first day of the rest of your life"
That pretty much sums up what's been happening to me these past few days. So much has happened in so short a time, it's almost surreal. It's almost like one of those weird dreams that you're just waiting to wake up from.
Aside from that, Today (aug 12th) is the first day of the rest of my life. From here on out, i have zero idea what's gonna happen. All the predictablity, routines, habits, die today. Today is the day that I came to New York City. Today marks the day where my run in the bay area officially ends. Not to say that i won't be back in the future, but there's no turning back now. Today is a new beginning. Today is a lot of things, the least of which is predictable or comfortable.
Where do i begin? These past few days have been an emotional roller coaster ride. In some ways, i feel i have been blessed not knowing what it's like to say goodbye to all the people you know, to go somewhere far away for an extended period of time. Living in the bay area, going to Berkeley wasn't exactly a "fond farwell" sorta deal. Home was always just a quick drive away. Everything was familiar. Not only that, my friends from high school were going to berkeley as well. Coming from just a stone throws away, I guess i never really grasped the struggles and hardships experienced by everyone else that i met at college. I guess i've just been blessed.
But today is different. Today begins what should have started 5 years ago during my freshman year at Berkeley. Only that in some ways, this is infinitely different. There is no huge community to pool support from. You aren't surrounded by people who are going through the exact same thing at the exact same time. Nope. Today is all about me (man, i'm so selfish... heh heh). It's been a really rough ride getting to this point though. I had to say goodbye to people i've come to know as family. This past weekend was a hard reminder of what exactly i was leaving behind. Leaving wo-team was especially difficult because for the past year and change, they have been the one constant thing that always remained. They were there through the bad times, the good times, whatever. These were friends that no matter the circumstance, they would be there. I can't say exactly what it was that made it like this, whether it be the devotionals, times of sharing, or just goofin' off. But the fact remains; we were one big family. All i can say is that i'm really going to miss saturday mornings: watching the kids jump around, picking on roy about his fan club (i swear it exists, although he vehemently denies it), or just messing around with george causing sang to scratch his head in confusion about what exacly we were doing. All in all, i think those will be the fondest memories i carry on from this past year. Too all of the wo-team members out there reading this, big-ups to all of you for making it was it was. And you all know who you are.
But why write all this? Change happens. Nothing is permanent (except for the grace of God, but that's beyond the scope of this blog). Why am i up at 2:12am writing down a long dissertation about change when I figure no one will read it? Maybe i just felt compelled. Maybe I'm apprehensive about the future. It's probably both, but more likely, it's just too hot to sleep =D.
I'm surprised i'm even up right now. I've slept a total of 5 hr in the past since sunday, packing my life away into suitcases. I've been running on pure adrenaline and on the fear that i wouldn't be done packing in time for the past few days. Now that i'm finally here and had a moment to collect my thoughts, it's just hard to believe i'm here right now. I'm not quite sure of the path that needs to be taken from here on out. From now on, i'm treading on the unbeaten path, doing things that I would have never imagined a few months ago. I guess the enormity of the events which have transgressed in the past 24 hrs is a little overwhelming. Kind of feel like i'm in one of those Dali paintings with the melting clocks. It all seems a little surreal. But life goes on. Tomorrow is another day, another adventure. yay...
Feeling a bit like Alice, tumbling down the rabbit hole...