A Continual Longing

Today at church, we had a commissioning service to send out Jongmin and Grace. They'll be heading out to Jordan for 3 years and 1 year, respectively. I find it amazing that God moves in people the desire to go out and minister to other nations. It's an true blessing to see people convicted and moved to go out and deliver the good news to other nations, especially islamic states. I don't believe that I've ever been convicted enough to do something like that. My level of missions committment has always been witnessing to my friends through my actions and deeds, how I live my life and how my faith guides my life.

In this journey of life, i find myself constantly wandering. Always griped with a sense of bewilderment like a deer in the headlights, and at the same time childish arrogance. For some reason, we always think that we know what is best for us. Being at home living my parents, I find that I really don't know what i want. I don't know what i want. My parents, althought not being actively present for the better part of the last 7 years, still know what's best for me. I find it absolutely amazing that they say one thing, and i try with utter futility to try to say that's not who i am, but yet, that's exactly what i need.

Being on worship team has been a blessing in more ways than one. It helps me bring into focus what is most important. It's not about me, the music, the volume of my drumming, the songs we sing, the balance of the mix or the reaction from the congregation. It's about Him and Him alone. We are merely there to help faciliate worship. In so many ways, it's extremely easy to forget this and become preoccupied with all the things that don't matter. It doesn't make any difference how much energy we pour into making things sound good, it's still just noise in the ears of God without the right attitude. It's sad just how frequently I need to remind myself of this fact. It's not about the music. It's about praising God. And nothing else.

I wander around a lot. But it consoles me to know that somehow, someway, I find my way back to Him.

I can only imagine
What it will be like
When I walk
By your side

I can only imagine
What my eyes will see
When your face
Is before me
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When that day comes
And I find myself
Standing in the Son

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever
Forever worship You
I can only imagine

Surrounded by Your glory, what will my heart feel?
Will I dance for you Jesus or in awe of you be still?
Will I stand in your presence or to my knees will I fall?
Will I sing hallelujah, will I be able to speak at all?
I can only imagine

I can only imagine
When all I will do
Is forever, forever worship you

©1999 MercyMe